


What makes you cry

by JannaEnd



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A bit sad, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Happy Ending, M/M, POV Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 15:39:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4310877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JannaEnd/pseuds/JannaEnd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years ago Eren went to Sina to become a famous pop star and left everything and everyone behind. Later he regretted his decision. Now he comes home...</p>
            </blockquote>





	What makes you cry

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuses, I just wanted to make him cry. (You'll see who I'm talking about.)  
> The story was inspired by Lana del Rey's 'Without you' and The Fray's 'I can barely say'. I hope you'll enjoy it!! :)
> 
> (English isn't my native language + I don't have a beta = there can be ridiculous mistakes)

My key turns with a quiet click and I let out a relieved sigh. It’s a good sign that he hasn’t changed the lock, isn’t it? I step into the flat and close the door behind me. Just after my shoes are taken off I have the courage to go further in.

The old walls painted to new colours. The old furniture in a new tidying. Everything is strange and familiar at the same time, and that scares me somehow. Is he only an unfamiliar acquaintance for me now too? How much can somebody change in two years? Their looks, lifestyle, thoughts, emotions… I don’t want to think of what I am for him.

The living room is quite spacious, only a counter separates it from the kitchen. The big windows give a perfect view of the town and provide a lot of light. The room is dominated by the big, comfortable couch, and the couch is dominated by a cat. The chocolate brown animal lies curled up but watches me with its yellow eyes. It’s great. I mean, can a cat grow this big?

“Hello cat” I greet it while I put my guitar and sport bag – so all of my luggage – next to the couch, then I sit down. The gigantic fur ball stretches and decides to observe me from closer. It seems I’m considered worthy, because it crawls in my lap and falls asleep. I begin to stroke it unconsciously as I sink into the couch. I’ve always loved this piece of furniture, I could spend my life on it. There are plenty of memories…

 

_It was a typical Friday evening. We lied on the couch side by side and watched TV, although none of us payed too much attention. My head was on Levi’s chest, I listened to his heartbeat and glanced at his face sometimes. He seemed to be tired, but when our eyes met he always smiled at me. This made me incredibly happy, because I was one of those few peoples who could make him smile._

_“Marco got ill and couldn’t come to work, so I performed today” I said suddenly. I worked as a waiter at a little café where live music was every Friday afternoon. Sometimes we invited local bands, sometimes we ourselves played._

_“Poor Freckles” Levi sighed. “Why didn’t you call me? Maybe I could’ve gone.”_

_“But maybe you couldn’t, and then you would’ve felt guilty. I didn’t want to bother you.”_

_He made a pouting face, I laughed._

_“I’m sure you were amazing” he caressed my arm._

_“There was a man from the Garrison Records” I added. “Mr. Pixis.”_

_My boyfriend only hummed._

_“He said… So he said he saw talent in me, and he’d like to work with me. He gave me his business card too.”_

_“Eren, this is fantastic” Levi kissed my forehead. “I’m so glad.”_

_I knew he would be glad, he was Humanity’s Greatest Boyfriend after all. But the dark side of the story was still back. Slowly I sat up._

_“Eren?” he did so as well._

_“The centre of the company is in Sina. Pixis goes back tomorrow. If I really want to do this, I should… go with him. And… Living in Sina would be easier…”_

_“Sina…”Levi repeated. I nodded. There was only silence for a few minutes._

_“I don’t want to hold you back, Eren. I’ll be the happiest, if you can do what you like. But Sina… I mean, it isn’t a problem, I would go to the end of the world for you, it’s just… Here in Trost we have jobs, friends… this little flat, which is our own” it was actually Levi’s, but you know, what’s his it’s mine too. “I’m sure that there are music companies in Trost too.”_

_Silence again. I nervously played with the hem of my t-shirt. He had right, but, but I…_

_“Listen, Bright Eyes” when I heard the nickname, I had to smile. Levi pressed closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders. “It’s your decision. Think it through. You said you have the man’s number, you can call him anytime. If he really thinks you are talented, he’ll wait for you. And whatever happens, I’ll adjust to you.”_

_I didn’t answer. ‘I’ll adjust to you.’ Levi said this, but I knew what Trost meant to him. He had a hard life with a lot of suffering and loneliness. But now he had a home, a good job and fantastic (and crazy) friends. I couldn’t take this away from him just because of a dream._

_After a long while I began to speak._

_“You’re talkative today.”_

_“Because I know you like my voice” he deadpanned._

_“Oh wow. How attentive” I laughed._

_“That’s me” he fought back a yawn. “Come on, let’s go to bed. It’s fucking late.”_

I shake my head like I could get rid of the memory and stand up, making the cat run away sacredly. I think it’ll never sleep in my lap again. Oh well.

After a quick visit in the bathroom I head towards the bedroom but crane at the threshold. Only now I think of the possibility that there can be someone else. Someone who loves him like I do. Someone who he loves like he loved me. Are there pictures of them? Are their clothes in the wardrobe? My hand is shaking on the door handle. It doesn’t matter now.

If there is someone, it can’t be seen on the room. It’s spotless and organized as always. Formerly the wall left from the door was covered with photos of us, our friends and our favourite places. Now there’s only a painting, probably made by Hanji. It represents a little medieval town surrounded by a wall. There are more books on the shelves and less objects on the desk. Only one nightstand’s left, the big bed is made for one person. This was my room, _our_ room, and now I feel so lonely in it.

From under the bed a corner of a box is showing. I look around like a little child who’s afraid of being caught, and then I pull the box out and open it.

What I find in it totally surprises me. Some of the old pictures. The ocean, Erwin’s 30th birthday, when we visited my parents…  We are so happy, so incredibly happy, it seems to be another life. I can barely breathe.

Under the photos there are magazines. I smile back at myself from the front pages. My hands are shaking as I flip them through. I don’t dare to think of why these magazines are here in this box.

At the very bottom of the box a little yellow post-it lies, it doesn’t stick anymore though. The paper is crumpled, the writing is blurry, but I recognize it immediately.

Oh my God.

It’s _that_ post-it.

 

_I couldn’t sleep. I just listened to Levi’s even breathing, watched his chest rise and fall. And I thought._

_At dawn I crawled out of the bed, packed my most important things in a sport bag, kissed the sleeping man for the last time, grabbed my guitar and went away. I didn’t leave anything behind, only a yellow post-it on the kitchen counter:_

_I made my decision. Wish me luck!  
 I love you._

The writing on the post-it isn’t blurry because someone left it in his pocket and washed it. These are fucking tears. I made Levi cry. The man I loved more than anything in this world. The man who said I meant the happiness to him.

I stumble back to the living room and practically fall on the couch, scaring the poor cat again. I don’t fight anymore, just let the sobbing shake my body, the pain overflow every part of me. Because I deserve it. I’m a fucked up idiot. A selfish, impatient, headstrong bastard who never cares about other people. If only for a minute… If only I…

And I just cry, cry and cry…

 

* * *

After a long time my tears dry up, I just lie on the couch numbly and glance at the clock sometimes. It’s almost seven. Formerly he used to come home at this time. And now? Does he go somewhere… or to someone before? Does he come home tonight at all?

I get an answer to my questions a few minutes after seven. The lock clicks, the door opens and the flat is filled with a voice I haven’t heard for two years.

“I don’t know… Yes, I might go… I know, I know, I promised… No, I won’t… Yes… Yes… See you tomorrow.”

Slowly I stand up.

“Crazy Four-eyes…” Levi mumbles and puts his phone into his pocket. I watch him as he pulls off his shoes and notices mine. For a second he stops moving then turns towards the room.

I can imagine what he sees. A pathetic brat with messy brown hair and tear-worn, green eyes. An idiot, who he loved once, who can’t do anything now but standing next to the coffee table and wringing his hands.

What I see? Levi is still so amazing and handsome, short but muscular, has black hair with an undercut. But he seems to be more tired and sad than when we first met. The storm-grey eyes, which told the story of a life full of sorrow back then, reflect confusion now. And fear. And anger. Emotions I can’t name.

We just stand in front of each other and I can’t speak or move. There’s so much thing… The emotions disappear from Levi’s face, giving their place to a cold mask. He doesn’t look into my eyes anymore, but grabs his bag and goes to the bedroom. The door quietly closes behind him.

No, no, no, I don’t want this! Don’t lock me out! Don’t build up again the walls I broke through once already! I love you, I still do love you!

Why is there a lump in my throat? Why can’t I say these words? I don’t know how long I fight with myself, but when I decide to do something, the door opens. Levi walks to the bathroom without glancing at me. I’m paralyzed again. I just stare at him as he goes to the kitchen and begins to boil water. The can meows loudly and paces up and down in front of its bowl.

“Here you go, Titan” Levi whispers when he feeds the animal. Then he sets about making a sandwich to himself.

He has never liked cooking, but sometimes I got him to help me. It was fun. At the beginning he pouted for a while, because ‘it’s dirty’ and ‘I’ll only ruin it’, but he always got the hang of it eventually. Those were the most delicious meals. At the end he smiled at me and said: “Thank you for the meal and for making me do stupid things.”

Levi stands alone next to the counter, his back on me, makes tea and the simplest sandwich of all times. Is that what you wanted Eren? I don’t think so…

I take a step towards the man who a world separates from me.

“Levi…” my voice is barely more than a whisper, but it can be heard in the quiet flat easily. Levi puts his cup down with a bit more… _strength_ than necessary.He begins to eat.

“Levi, I… I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone away. I shouldn’t have disappeared for two years. I… I wanted to call you, I just… I was afraid of what you’ll say. I always kept putting it off… You know… You know, I thought I could be happy. But something wasn’t alright and… and things didn’t go as I wanted them and… and… I could only think of you. I missed you, I missed you so bad. I can’t… Without you I can’t…” and the words just come and come, but none of them can really express what I really want to tell. “I came back. To you” I finish quaveringly. I notice only now that I walked closer to Levi while I talked, there are just a few steps between us. He doesn’t say or do anything. I bit my lip and taste blood. Minutes pass, I wait but nothing happens.

“Say something” I break the silence eventually. “Levi, say something… Say that you love me and forgive me. Say you hate me and don’t want to see me anymore. Say what you did today, how Hanji and Erwin are, I don’t care just say something!” I practically yell as I grab the shorter man’s shoulders to turn him towards me.

Levi’s crying. He’s shaking, tears are streaming down on his face but it’s totally soundless. I haven’t seen him like this before. Levi never cried, at least not in front of me. Not even when he told me about his past. I was one of those people who could make him smile. But I am the only one who can make him cry.

Slowly and carefully I pull him closer to me and embrace him. He doesn’t push me away but doesn’t hug back either, just stands between my arms.

“Levi…” I begin again, but there’s nothing I could say. So I swallow, fight back my tears, and once in our life I try to seem to be the stronger one.

“Let me go” Levi whispers against my chest and after a heavy sigh I do so reluctantly. The black haired man steps back and wipes away the wetness from his face. Titan, the cat sidles up to his legs and rubs itself against them. Levi crouches down and strokes it.

“You…” he says on a quiet, hoarse voice. I can’t decide if he talks to the cat or to me. “You know, I thought you don’t love me anymore” Oh, so he talks to me. “That you don’t want to see me. I said to myself that I fucked up again. I should’ve shown you how much you meant to me. Then you wouldn’t have left.”

I sit down on the floor next to him. So he blames himself. Oh my God, it’s worse than I imagined. I open my mouth to say it’s not true, he didn’t do anything wrong, I was the bad one, but he lifts his hand to signal not to talk.

“You hurt me” his words feel like knives in my heart. “You broke me. You left me behind. You didn’t trust me”

“It’s not-”

“You didn’t believe that I trust you.”

“No, I-”

“You didn’t think I’m strong enough to leave this town. You totally ruined me” he sighs and I can’t do anything but stare at the ground. “But do you know what the most ridiculous thing is? That I still love you. And it sucks, because you’ll go away again, and I’ll stay-”

“No!” I put my hands on his face and turn his head so he faces me. “I won’t go away. Not without you. Never again.”

“But you have to go back because-”

“No. I’m not going back to Sina. I won’t be a pop star. I’ll be happy. With you.”

We look at each other. Levi searches something in my eyes. If it’s determination and honesty, he’ll find it.

“What happened to you?” he asks.

“I did something terrible. Once you said it changes people.”

A tired, little smile appears on his lips and I dare to smile back. I lean closer, our noses touch. Levi doesn’t draw apart from me. So I kiss him like never before with all of the emotions of two years. It’s a familiar and yet new feeling, and I don’t want it to end, but Levi pushes me away eventually.

“I don’t know” he says. “I love you Eren, but I don’t know.”

I just nod. I understand what he wants to say.

“I’d like to think it through… sleep on it, you know.”

Another nod then silence.

“Can I stay here until you decide it?” I ask. He looks at me.

“Sure” Levi says and makes a pondering face. “Is it okay if you sleep on the couch?”

“Of course.”

 

* * *

Next morning I wake up on the couch with a cat on my stomach. Levi sits next to me on the carpet and reads a book. I reach out and run my fingers through his black hair. He doesn’t say anything just lets me do it for a few minutes. Then he looks at me with a half-smirk on his face.

“Hey brat, if you’re already awake, why don’t you get up and make breakfast?”

Can we pretend these two years never happened? No, probably we can’t. I’m sure there are still some long and awkward conversations left. But not yet. Now I have important and better things to do. For example: removing a sleeping cat from my stomach without offending it.

Then get my boyfriend to help me making breakfast.

**Author's Note:**

> If you shared your opinion with me, I would be really happy!! :)


End file.
